This Bread is Bananas: B-A-N-A-N-A-S

In my life, in my entire life, I have made three banana loaves. Therefore, I am an expert, and have devised a recipe of my very own that I'm sharing with you now. I'm no Raymond Sokolov, but I'm pretty handy with a spatula, if you know what I mean.
The key to cooking is confidence. Strut while you stir. Don't let a recipe push you around. You know what you like, and you're the one who's gotta eat it. Cooking isn't rocket science, and it's not alchemy, either. You put stuff together, you mix 'em up, and then you (sometimes) heat it. You gotta eat anyway, you might as well eat well.
I created this banana bread (which is, like the best cooking, my favourite parts of different recipes) because I bought a bunch of bananas and then forgot to eat them. You know how it is. So Nicole was kinda on my case about these blackening baneeners, and I wasn't saying a thing. I was doing my homework, putting together clues, buying a loafpan. You can get a decent 5x9 loafpan for about $10. You can get a crappy one for $1, or a supersonic deLuxe loafpan that will mock your beginner cooking skills for about $30. I recommend the $10 version. If you only make three banana loaves in a year, you'll get your money's worth.

Okay, so here's what you're going to need, aka

INGREDIENTS

4 to 6 bananas, the blacker the better - here's the deal, not only are black bananas sweeter, but they're also softer and easier to work with.
1 tsp of vanilla extract - treat yourself right and use the real thing rather than that cheap synthetic vanilla. You're not saving that much money, and you get to feel like a big shot.
1/3 cup of sugar - I know that seems like a lot of sugar, and it is. But it's actually less than most recipes call for. Most call for a full cup, but I think you're better off using the following ingredient to reduce the sugar in your banana bread.
1 tbsp of vanilla yogurt or unsweetened applesauce - don't use any more than this or else your banana loaf will be soggy rather than moist.
2 cups of flour - I use wholewheat, but it's really up to you.
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda - and don't just take a scoop out of the box in the fridge. That's gross.

OPTIONAL EXTRAS

a tsp to a tbsp of cinnamon - highly recommended, feel free to add even more
a large handful of walnuts - also highly recommended, but not if you're allergic to nuts. It's a good idea to crush the walnuts
some amount of ginger - some people like ginger, I don't so I don't bother

Turn your oven on and set it to 325 F.
Lightly butter your loafpan.
Take your bananas, peel them, remove the hard nubby thing at the bottom and slice them up into a bowl. If your bananas are nice and soft, the edge of a spoon will work for slicing. Add the sugar, vanilla, and yogurt or applesauce (fun fact: if you use applesauce, this is a vegan banana bread, but you don't have tell anyone, least of all your vegan friends). Mix it up good until it's all gooey.
Next, in a separate bowl, "sift" the flour, baking powder and baking soda. I don't really know what "sifting" entails since I don't have a sifter, so I just lightly stir them all together with a fork.
Now toss in the banana mash, as well as any other customizations you want to add, and mix, mix, mix until the whole thing is of one smooth consistency.
Pour that into your loafpan, stick the loafpan in the oven, and find something to do for 1 hour to 1 hour, 15 minutes. Do your laundry, watch a couple of episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, wash the dishes. I don't really care what you do, and I don't want to know about it.
Soon, your kitchen will smell awesome and basically that's half the battle won. If anyone comes home or comes over while your banana loaf is in the over, their opinion of you will rise. Once an hour or so has passed, check on your loaf. Stick a fork or toothpick into the middle. If it comes out clean, your loaf is done. If it comes out with doughy stuff all over it, you've ruined the whole thing. Just kidding. It just needs a few more minutes. Check in every five to ten minutes. Pretty soon, you will be the proud owner of your very own banana bread. Eat it.





MP3: "Black Bananas" by RTX